Want to be the best lover your guy has ever had? It’s simple. All you need to do is understand the male sexual psyche… and not judge him for it.
I recently attended an art exhibition in London that traced the representation of sex in art through the ages. Part of the exhibition included a series of photographs that aimed to capture the essence of various couples’ relationships and sex lives. The images were both graphic and private: intensely tender moments and raw sexual moments. The first series was based on a straight couple. The second was based on a male homosexual couple.
What struck me immediately was the difference in their sex lives. The gay guys didn’t just appear to have more sex than the straight couple—their sex life also had extraordinary variety: different positions, locations, props… tender sex and wild sex. Their sex life beat the straight couple’s sex life hands down. Why? Because it’s two men. A gay guy knows his partner won’t judge him because two men think of sex in the same way: Neither one sees anything wrong in what they’re doing! The male sex drive is more primitive than the female sex drive, so two men together feel totally secure in letting loose. The lesson to be learned as a straight girl? The only thing standing in the way of you having a tender, wild, wonderful, exciting sex life is your attitude.
In today’s society, there’s a very clear line drawn between “normal” and “naughty.” This seems to be the definition: If everyone does it, no matter what “it” is, “it” is “normal.” If only a few people do it, no matter what “it” is, “it” is not “normal.”
(Modified)…Rubbish…Variety is the spice of life…TRY SOMETHING NEW!!
The next time your partner suggests something unusual, fight your knee-jerk reaction to say no. Consider why you want to reject it: Is it because it’s just something you don’t hear other people say they’re doing? Is that what scares you? If so, then ask yourself if trying his suggestion will hurt either one of you physically or emotionally: Is there any danger? If not, then what’s the problem? Be one of the few women to embrace this concept and you’ll not only be the best lover he’s ever had, you’ll probably be the best he ever will have.
Men Are Visual: Excite His Eyes
Men’s sexual arousal is dependent on what they see, which makes visual excitement his number one turn-on. And the evidence is in the emails I get from male readers: “Why won’t she… watch porn/shave her pubic hair/wear sexy clothes/leave her shoes on/watch us having sex in a mirror/masturbate for me/go out without underwear on?” He needs electric shocks to his penis. Give him something he’s not used to seeing or doing and you’ll make his day.
Lose the “I Should Be Enough for Him” Mindset
Men like trying new things. So when your guy asks for something new in bed, all it means is that he wants to try something new. Is that how most women interpret it? Heck no! Being the super-sleuths of relationships, ahem, we don’t take anything at face value; instead we dive deep below the surface searching for a murkier, more sinister reason. And the conclusion we generally come to is this: “If he wants something new in bed, it must mean he’s unhappy with the sex he’s having” or “Why does he need all these props/fantasies/porn DVDs when he’s got me?” Both of these reactions are overreactions, and, more often than not, neither one is true. You don’t look at him oddly if he orders something other than a burger for lunch, do you? Or a glass of red wine instead of a beer? Humans need variety. You need variety. Instead of feeling intimidated by it, embrace it.
No, You Won’t Look Fat
There’s another reason why we’re not rushing to pull on that French maid outfit or wear the tiny underwear he bought us. It’s the embarrassment factor: We’re scared we’ll look fat or feel ridiculous. In fact, it’s the main reason women say they’re not more adventurous in bed. It’s not that we don’t have a naughty streak; it’s just that our self-consciousness over powers it. But, if you’re wearing a French maid outfit, odds are, he’s not looking at you as a whole, not at your “problem” areas (he probably doesn’t even think you have any problem areas).
Explore New, Uncharted Territory
I know it’s a delicate topic, but anal play is getting more and more popular and you need to know about it. Why? Because if you get it right, he’ll have the most powerful orgasm he’s ever had. (Yes, really.) Having said that, his bottom is a hugely private zone, and you’ll need permission to enter. How? Either ask outright or read body language—ideally both. Instigate proceedings by stroking the perineum, the smooth area between the anus and testes. Then use three fingers to massage it firmly. Let your fingers casually brush against his anus and see how he reacts.
If he pulls away or clenches his bottom together, he’s either not interested or nervous (quite possibly both). If he lifts his bottom or presses against your hand, it’s a pretty good indication that he’d like you to continue. Keep stroking the opening until he’s relaxed again, then insert the tip of a finger into his rectum (having first applied some lubricant you left on the nightstand). Hold still for a moment or two, then try circling or moving your finger gently in and out. Check that everything’s fine (just say, “Okay?’) before pushing your finger further inside. Once you’ve gently explored how deep and what sort of movement he likes, add it to oral sex or when you’re masturbating him with your hands, just before he’s about to orgasm.
Ban the Bed
Yes, you’ve heard it before: Sex in the bedroom is boring blah blah blah. So… why don’t you stop having sex there then? Knowing you should be having sex in places other than the bedroom won’t turn you into a better lover unless you do it. Have a quickie in the bathroom at parties or in the lavatory on an airplane. Let your hand stray into his lap in the movie theatre. Give him a very naughty, long, wet kiss in the kitchen at his parents’ (though not while his Mum’s doing the dishes). Pounce on him in your living room, dining room, spare room. Do anything beyond rolling over once at the end of the day, stifling a yawn and making a half-hearted attempt at fondling him.
Just so we’re clear…this is a disclaimer…am feeling everything except the exploration of new territory..(ahem)…..
consider this my tribute to Val’s Day(lol)