Tall tales abound when it comes to the married man. Some may be written in our DNA. And some are carefully crafted to work to our advantage. I’ll probably get kicked out of the XY tree house for this, but here I demystify the male species and give you the truth behind the most common husband myths.
We hate chick flicks.
False! I put on an act whenever my wife recommends watching the latest sap-filled tear-fest Hollywood has decided to inflict upon the masses. “Do I have to?” I’ll ask her. But deep down, I know watching a chick flick offers great rewards. First, the genre says it all: What guy wouldn’t want to spend two hours ogling Reese Witherspoon? Then, there’s the art of the barter. “Fine,” I’ll tell her, “I’ll watch the movie, but only if you do something for me in return.” In the end, I get to watch beautiful women for two hours, and I don’t have to do the dishes. Popcorn, please!
We need to control the remote.
True! Guys always ask for the remote. Or, in some cases, simply take it. Sometimes in some cases this is because you girls flip too slowly. But the main reason is that this handheld device gives us power. We won’t fight to control much else, but television is our domain. How many times a day do you go around quoting movies or discussing sports stats? See, TV is our secret code to the man world. And giving you the remote is like letting you know our handshake — it gives you more control than you think. So please, ladies, let us have this. You don’t have to understand it, but just know that holding a remote means so much more than it seems.
We never listen.
False! Sure, we forgot what you wanted for your birthday. Your cousin’s name slipped our minds. Or we totally dropped the ball on how you were feeling (even though you “told us a million times”). It wasn’t that we weren’t listening. It was simply that we weren’t paying attention. We heard the words — just not the meaning behind them. And we’re sorry, truly sorry. The sad fact is, we sometimes only listen when we’re backed into a corner, the TV is off, and there are no other distractions.
Ever hear your man say, “Uh huh?” Here’s a hint: He’s not listening. He knows you’re talking, but has no idea what you’re saying. The good news is you can break through that. “Hey!” usually does the trick. Don’t want to resort to yelling? Offer a compromise and a timeline — like “This is important to me, so listen for a second and then you can go back to the game.” Guys are easily distracted. But let us know how much something means to you, and suddenly we’re putty.
We hate when you argue with our moms.
True! Marital bliss can sometimes be interrupted in the most unexpected ways. Like by your man’s mom. Ever feel like bickering with her gets you nowhere? So do we.
To be brief, fighting is more trouble than it’s worth. A buddy of mine told me he was flattered, in a way, when his wife and mom argued. Each of them thought she knew exactly what was best for him. “Finally,” he told me, “women were fighting over me.”
In the end, though, he grew tired of the constant squabbling, and said he wanted to feel like a husband, not a referee. Now when his wife and his mom argue, he takes the high road…out of town.
“I just don’t want to deal with it,” he said. “I wish my wife would take one for the team once in a while, swallow her pride, and say, ‘Yes, Ma’am.’ I don’t even care if she means it!”
We promise, if you do this for us, we’ll make it up to you.
We’re jealous of your guy friends.
True! There’s a theory that we’re supposed to get over the fact that you have guy friends. We won your heart, after all — they didn’t. But we still can’t get over the completely childish insecurity that envelops us when you go out with old flames, friends, or even coworkers.
Sometimes it’s that we don’t trust the guys. Other times, we just want to be invited along so we can meet these chums of yours. And often it’s that we don’t like the way you quote the funny things they say or bring them up in conversation. See, we don’t necessarily fear that you’ll cheat on us; we fear that we won’t be the coolest, funniest, and most highly revered guy in your life.
We don’t like to talk about our feelings.
False! My wife thinks I can be cold. When we’re discussing something important — or even an average workday — I can seem distant or lost in thought. Then after what must seem like forever, I start speaking again. With most guys, the feelings are there, but it just takes a while for them to show themselves. Remember, we married you for a reason. When we do want to talk about our feelings, you’re the one we call on.
So if “How was your day?” only receives a grunt, don’t feel like a pest for asking again. Though it sometimes doesn’t seem like it, we realize you’re there to help when we need it. Just have a little patience, especially when the topic is touchy, and we’ll show you just how vulnerable we can be.
By Mike Adamick
So I ask guys……….how true is this???